


An Untitled Inquiry

by WildandWhirling



Category: 1789 - バスティーユの恋人たち | 1789: Les Amants de la Bastille - Takarazuka Revue, 1789: Les Amants de la Bastille - Various Composers/Attia & Chouquet
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chaos, Crack, Gen, Note: NONE of this would work irl because the thread would be locked, R/LegalAdvice, Ronan Can't Type, Social Media, Wine Mom Philippe Égalité, reddit, various characters - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 23:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21005663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildandWhirling/pseuds/WildandWhirling
Summary: Ronan has a very serious question for R/Legaladvice.





	An Untitled Inquiry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moorehawke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moorehawke/gifts).

> So, I struggled a lot to find the PERFECT case for this, because it was very, very important to me that, when Ronan ended up on R/LegalAdvice, it was something fitting. And then I saw THIS https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/dfzeag/can_i_bring_a_goose_to_the_bank/ on BestOfLegalAdvice and fell in love, tweaking it and adding completely new responses to better suit...the 1789 characters...in all their...glory.

Posted by u/RMazzzz 5 days ago

Okay, so this sounds weird, but hear me out: my (22 M) boss is a prick. I know, I know, EVERYONE’S boss is a prick, because we’re living in a capitalistic hellhole (I think I spelled that right, right?), but mine is a SUPER prick. Hes steadily cut down on our vacation for, like, the last few years, which includes “strongly encouraging” us not to take personal days, because we’re supposed to LOVE our company so much we dont want to take time off or whatever bullshit he’s going for, and none of us have had a raise in forever despite working longer hours. And meanwhile, we ALL have to take out overtime “under the table” because fuck us, right and even though he makes a point of what a GREAT guy he is (give me a break), whenever someone brings up a point, they tend to be “let go” for reasons that are totally, totally unrelated to it (just a coincidence, you know?) after he goes on forever about how much he envies “the little people” for having there own lives. Seriously, my friend M fell asleep in the middle of one of his speeches. Not that M...usually has much trouble going to sleep, because he never gets sleep anyway. He used up all his sick leave in the first week of the year and he’s just kept going since then. Meanwhile Boss Bitch and his wife are hosting, like, there tenth charity gala of the year and are going all over the world on trips that WE pay for in there, like, 12th yacht.

Yeah, sure, if it’s so much trouble for him, why dont we swap places?

Now, me and a couple of friends have come up with an idea to start a union, but the problem is that he doesn’t even TRY to see us. We show up to the office with our papers and the next thing we know, he’s away to Vienna or some bullshit and we’re being kicked out on our asses by security. No emails, no phone calls, nothing.

What a bastard, am I right?

Anyway, this has been a huge problem. We’ve been trying to come up with ideas for ages, and I think I came up with something, but I wanted to run it by you guys really first because I don’t want to wind up in prison again (long story, it involves the Swedish ambassador). A goose. We get a goose from a farm (I lived on a farm before this, I know the people to make it happen, and if I tell them who it’s for, they’ll probably give it for free), bring it to the office, and then tell the people there that either hell talk to us or he’ll talk to the goose, and if he chooses to talk to the goose, we set it loose. The security gaurd might take one or two of us down, but in the meantime, the goose will be running wild. Anyway, I was wondering if it was illegal to set a goose loose in an office building. We’re not ROBBING it, not really, we just want to speak with the guy, and we’re not really causing any damage OURSELVES because it’s the goose. Its like...a stray dog. Except for it has teeth. On its tongue. And cold black eyes. And feathers.

Okay, it’s not like a dog at all, but you get my point. It’s all teh goose.

Are thre any laws against this? How illegal would it be? My friends C and M are both lawyers, or...at least...they went to law school, but C kind of flunked out after he lost his shit on one of the professors and M is...well, he’s working here, isn’t he? So, I kind of want a second opinion even though I don’t see anything wrong here. (Long story: My sister made me do it when I told her because it’s, in her words, “The stupidest fucking idea you’ve ever had and I still remember when you tried to actually dig a hole to China.”)

So, uh, thanks in advance.

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 250 points 5 days ago

Generally speaking, if you have to tell yourself, “This isn’t technically illegal,” then the answer is generally “It is very illegal.” Your sister has good sense, listen to her.

That being said…

It is almost absolutely certain that what your employer is doing is also very illegal, though I will absolutely not condone whatever action you take against him.

**RMazzzz** 5 points 5 days ago

So what do i do, let him keep fcking us over?

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 89 points 4 days ago

IF you’re going to insist on taking action, in the current job market, I would recommend calling a qualified employment attorney, someone used to dealing with this sort of thing.

And possibly invest in grammar lessons and a replacement apostrophe key, since yours appears to be broken.

**RMazzzz** 2 points 4 days ago

Lololol do i look like i can afford an attorney. And I DO use apostrhes, sometimes. I was in a HURRY. Wait a second, what kind of name is BlueBird anyway?

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 50 points 4 days ago

You don’t pay the attorney until AFTER the trial is concluded. And, judging from the situation, your employer will owe you at the very LEAST overtime.

And I would refrain from insulting the (meticulously chosen) username of the person who’s TRYING to help you.

**RMazzzz** 3 days ago

I just thought it meant like “Blue Balls” or smthg.

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 2 days ago

…

**RMazzzz** 2 days ago

Is that a GOOD “...” or a BAD “...”

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 1 day ago

Why me? Why me?

NightPrincess 1 point 1 day ago

He’s just like that, don’t worry.

**RMazzzz** 1 day ago

So it’s a BAD “...”

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 10 hours ago

Seeing as you are determined to make a

nuisance of yourself ONE way or another, I’ll take the case pro bono.

**RMazzzz** 9 hours ago

Thanks a bunch!

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 250 points 2 hours ago

I’m going to regret this.

But at least I can say I prevented...that. From happening. Please private message me for more details.

D e u s *Score Hidden* 1 hour ago

Traitor.

NightPrincess 56 points 4 days ago

Brother, I’ve changed my mind: That’s the stupidest fucking idea I’ve EVER heard in my life. And that includes when G thought he had a shot with me.

IntheHouse 4 days ago

I thought we had a CONNECTION.

NightPrincess 5 points 4 days ago

Yeah, and your wife thought she had a connection to you too.

IntheHouse 4 days ago

HARSH.

NightPrincess 4 days ago

How are the kids, by the way?

**RMazzzz** 3 days ago

COME ON, you know it might work. You just haev to have VISIONO.

NightPrincess 30 points 3 days ago

I HAVE A “VISIONO.” Do you know what I see? An arrest warrant with the words “vandalism, criminal mischief, and animal abuse” on it, and then you camping out at my couch, eating Nutella from a jar while complaining about “The Man” for six months.

WordsWeCannotSay 2 points 3 days ago

She’s not wrong, you know.

**RMazzzz** 4 days ago

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSER T BE ON MY SIDE.

WordsWeCannotSay 3 days ago

And, of the two of us, who will be sweeping up goose feathers for the next month?

**RMazzzz** 3 days ago

Aren’t you, like, a babysistter or smyhing?

WordsWeCannotSay 2 days ago

Assistant governess, math tutor, cook, errand girl, maid...live in

marriage counselor. It varies.

**RMazzzz** 2 days ago

Damn.

NightPrincess 2 days ago

Any job where people are paying you for a service, am I right?

WordsWeCannotSay 2 days ago

Unfortunately. But of course I’m happy for it. They are really lovely people, they can just be...themselves. I’m sure this will all end up resolved once they realize there’s an issue.

**RMazzzz** 2 days ago

Or until L sprains an ankle trying to run away and then HAS to listen to us.

EgaliT -125 points 4 days ago

Go for it. What’s the worst that can happen? Except a criminal mischief charge and being fired? YOLO. (Also will bail you out because your cousemployer deserves it. I’m not in any way affiliated, just helping the cause.)

**RMazzzz** -45 points 4 days ago

See? You GET me.

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 5 points 4 days ago

Screw you, Égalité.

EgaliT -35 points 4 days ago

Very mature, Bird Boy. And here, that’s *EgaliT*.

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 10 points 3 days ago

Forgive me for not noticing; you change your name so often I could hardly remember.

IntheHouse 2 days ago

Anyone on this thread smoke weed?

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 2 days ago

You really are going to ask that on a thread full of lawyers?

IntheHouse 2 days ago

Hey, I went to law school; I know what I’m talking about.

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 2 days ago

Evidently not long enough.

EgaliT 2 days ago

How much do you need?

RousseausSexKitten 2 days ago

Remind me why you were kicked out again?

DAMNoulins 2 days ago

Guys, can we tone it down and save it

for the boss?

IntheHouse 2 days ago

Because I went against the academic establishment. Also bold of you to act like you know what sex is.

Organt 1 day ago

You spelled “was so busy drinking

and thotting it up wrong”

DAMNoulins 1 day ago

I’ve changed my mind: Fuck you in

particular. It is ON. Still salty your smutty yaoi romance novel never got published?

Organt 1 day ago

IT. IS. AN. ALLEGORY.

RousseausSexKitten 1 day ago

It’s a PSEUDONYM, it was chosen to reflect my deep appreciation for Rousseau’s stuff. Which you might have learned if you’d STUDIED and be diligent.

**RMazzzz** 1 day ago

Go to SLEEPPPPPPP Max.

RousseausSexKitten 1 day ago

I CAN SLEEP WHEN I’M DEAD.

**RMazzzz** 18 hours ago

So, like, three months at this rate?

IntheHouse 1 hour ago

I’ll show you diligent: It’s what I do when I do my wife every night.

RousseausSexKitten 1 hour ago

Why hasn’t this thread been locked yet?

BlueBird _Quality Contributor_ 45 minutes ago

The mods have abandoned us. As has God.

D e u s *Score Hidden* 1 minute

I’m still here, don’t worry.

Regrettably.

D e u s *Score Hidden* 2 hours ago

If you value your career, I would say “no.” ANY attempt at going out of your place will be met with...unfortunate reprisals. But of course, if you want to starve in the street, who am I to argue? I hardly have any attachment to this whole business.

**RMazzzz** 10 points 2 hours ago

Fuck off, Artois.

DAMNoulins 2 hours ago

Fuck off, Artois.

IntheHouse 2 hours ago

Fuck off, Artois.

RousseausSexKitten 2 hours ago

Fuck off, Artois.

EgaliT 2 hours ago

Fuck off cuzArtois

D e u s *Score Hidden* 2 hours ago

Oh, you are BANNED from Thanksgiving this year.

EgaliT 1 hour ago

I wouldn’t go anyway. Because I don’t know you. I’m a neutral observer.

D e u s *Score Hidden* 45 minutes ago

...You almost wrote “cousin” in your little _love note_. Anyway, the entire family knows about your Reddit account, since Louis Joseph handed it out after you left your IPad open one day. Thank goodness that that was ALL he saw, the poor thing might have been traumatized otherwise.

WordsWeCannotSay 30 minutes ago

More so than having you as an uncle, you mean?

D e u s *Score Hidden* 28 minutes ago

Who do you THINK I am?

WordsWeCannotSay 25 minutes ago

I can’t really say. At the moment? An adult having a temper tantrum on Reddit.

D e u s *Score Hidden* 24 minutes ago

I’m a MAGNIFICENT uncle.

WordsWeCannotSay 10 minutes ago

You were looking up “top ten undetectable causes of death in young children” yesterday.

And then you looked up the transcripts from Casey Anthony’s trial.

EgaliT 40 minutes ago

The turkey was always a little dry, anyway. Is that an Austrian

thing?

Organt 32 minutes ago

Fuck off, Artois.

JNeck 30 minutes ago

Oh? Is this one of those “chains?” Fuck off, Artois

D e u s *Score Hidden* 28 minutes ago

I didn’t think you knew what social media was.

JNeck 25 minutes ago

Germaine helped me set it up. She’s such a good girl.

D e u s *Score Hidden* 24 minutes ago

...What a dear.

JNeck 20 minutes ago

There are so many fantastic resources on banking and stock

information on here. Maybe you should show your brother?

NightPrincess 10 minutes ago

Fuck off, Artois

MiraBONE 1 minute ago

Fuck off, Artois

AmericasFavoriteFightingFrenchBread 1 minute ago

Fuck off, Artois

AmiduPeuple

Fuck off, Artois

**Author's Note:**

> First off, my apologies in advance: When I first created this, I had everything very well formatted and spaced out, so it more closely resembled an ACTUAL Reddit thread, but then when I put it on here, that all naturally went away. So, if it's at all difficult to read or follow, that's the reason why. (Or, at least, I'm BLAMING it on that.)


End file.
